When BlueEyes was just born, I
was overwhelmed to say the least. I read a lot about birth, but almost forgot
that the process is supposed to end with the appearance of a baby. I remember
when he was just born I heard a baby cry in the room that I was in too, and all
I could think was: “please make that annoying sound go away!” It took a fairly
long time before I realized that that sound came from my baby. My baby. This
little person that I was now responsible for. I was not only supposed to feed
and dress this little person, but I was also going to be his mom for the rest
of my life. Wow. I hadn’t fully realized that until then. And all of this
happened at a time when you’re body is flushed with this ridiculous amount of
hormones that changes you from a normally functioning person to someone who
will break down in an ocean of tears over nothing.
Add to this the fact that when
both your parents and your in-laws live on a different continent they don’t
just come to visit for an afternoon, but rather for a week of two, and you
might imagine that it took me a while to regain myself. And so when people told me to enjoy the time with my new baby, it
sounded a bit like people saying you should enjoy the waves when there’s actually
a tsunami. Just making sure BlueEyes was fed and slept and not hijacked by
his grandparents was all I could accomplish for a day. Enjoying that really
didn’t seem feasible at the time.
Was this postpartum depression?
No, I think it’s just normal; I just hadn’t anticipated it. I promised myself never
to tell people they should enjoy these first weeks with their new baby, because
I had felt how much of a burden it was to not only do all those things, but to
also have to enjoy them.
But apparently you forget these
things, because today I did just that; I told someone to enjoy her first weeks
with the new baby. Apparently I had forgotten about how it really was, and I
just thought about a cute little baby and how wonderful it is to hold it and
feed it without all of the reality around it. I guess you forget these things
and that’s probably a good thing.
too true!
ReplyDeletei have a 6 week old and 3 year old. totally forgot the newborn stage until I experienced it again.
I suffered from peri- and post- partum depression, and I really, intensely, hated how I felt when people told me this. I didn't hate them for saying it, it's obviously meant well, but... *shakes head* not realistic
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